If you are wondering why so many People of Color, non-Christians, LGBTQ people and women you know have lost their damn minds, talking about being scared and being hyper-paranoid and freaking out over nothing, let me try to explain. It's not that we all suddenly went nuts or can't handle people having different political philosophies....it is just that we live with "The Fear".
"The Fear" has been here for generations before Trump and will likely continue for many years to come. We usually don't burden those outside our groups with "The Fear" because we know it would upset you and that you could never really understand it till you lived it anyway.
The emotional posts you have been seeing are the inner dialog these groups have been having around you their whole lives, so I can understand why they might be disturbing to really see for the first time, so let me break down "The Fear" for you.
"The Fear" starts when you are young and you are called your first slur. It digs itself a nest in the back of your neck, when you receive your first threat of violence or mistreatment as punishment for how you were born. It cements itself in place the first time someone makes good on those threats against you or someone you love.
"The Fear" is the realization that you can never tell who the next racist or rapist might be....and just how dire the consequences are if you guess wrong just once. That kid that called you Faggot looked like any other kid on the playground. The one that said "I'm going to get you Nigger" seemed to be nice to all her other school friends. The one that date-raped your cousin seemed so charming.
That sinking knowledge that lots of people hate you on sight, but you can't see them is terrifying....and slowly drives minorities mad if it is reinforced often enough. Every whispered "Towel Head" under their breath on the train, every story of friends being roughed up for their skin tone , and so on melds together with and resurfaces every experience of prejudicial hate you've had in your whole life. You try to go about your daily life trusting that people are as nice as they seem and that most people are good at heart, but then another slur, another threat, another indignity comes seemingly out of nowhere and your stomach turns to lead and you curse yourself for letting down your guard.
I'm sorry if this is hard to read, but women and minorities are always a little afraid of you at first and are sizing you up as a potential threat. We find out where you are from and look at the bumper stickers on your car and listen to your jokes, trying to figure out if we can trust you. If there is a marker that has hurt us or our loved ones before, even if they are not accurate of you, hairs on the back of our neck will stand up and we will always be a little on edge with you, no matter how nice you seem. We’ll do our best to be your friend and love you, but some small part of our hearts will always be waiting for the other shoe to drop.
You might say that it's not fair, I'm a nice guy and it's not my fault that the last person who called you Nigger had a southern accent....and your right. It's no more fair than the inaccurate racism and xenophobia under which we live, but that is the ugly double edged sword of hate...no one escapes it untainted, even the victims.
We live in spite of it. We love in spite of it. Bravery is not the absence of fear, it is the act of pushing through it. You can tell us not to let the fear win, but you can not tell us not to have "The Fear".
Your minority friends are scared and hurting because they are worried that they have to catalog Trump votes as a new marker. Sure most people were voting for change and the economy, but many were also voting for Make America White Again and you can't tell which is which at 50 paces and the repercussions of guessing wrong once is real.
You can't undo "The Fear", the damage had been done. Instead, help by assuring us that you don't believe in assuming moral attributes by race or religion, even the unpopular ones. Tell us that if you see a fellow Trump supporter making racist comments and joking about grabbing pussies, you'll stand up to them for us. Make us feel safer by promising to have our backs, not dismissing our fears. There ARE monsters that go bump in the night. We've met them. Just tell us you're not one of them and you'll be there to help fight them when they show up. #thefear #statesthathate
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